Modern life: busy, hurried, hectic. The modern attention span: short. This new blog series: pithy.
The Hurried Man's Guide to Training
By Chris Shugart
*There are muscle groups you can't see in the mirror. Train them anyway.
* Use barbells and dumbbells a lot. Use machines a little.
* Racking your weights is great for forearms and grip strength. You'll burn extra calories too. Also, we won't kick your lazy no-weight-racking fat ass.
* If you need a spot on rep #2, then trying for 10 reps makes you a dork and your training partner a fool.
* Think of the exercise you hate the most. Maybe you feel humiliated in the gym you're so bad at it. Now, do that exercise first in your workouts for the next 8 weeks, you wiener.
* You know that hottie in the gym you're always staring at while she trains? That sexy, beautiful creature that you want to talk to so badly it hurts? Don't. Let her train, frat boy.
* Try a little of everything. Try not to become a cult member who worships any one lifting style or training implement. Try not to plug your umbilical cord into the latest fad. There is no single best way.
* Cardio: Do a little. Not a lot. Jogging for miles? No. Do sprints, intervals, or strive to increase NEPA (non-exercise physical activity.)
* Sex = Best. NEPA. Ever.
* Do pull-ups, rows, deadlifts, dips, bench press, overhead press, and squat variations. The rest is just details.
* Be aggressive without sacrificing form. Do not just "go through the motions." Strain, sweat, focus, suck wind.
* There are some crappy training methods out there, but doing something is always better than doing nothing.
* Never stop learning, but avoid analysis paralysis too.
* There are genetic freaks out there who can grow and get stronger with shitty training programs. You're probably not one of them.
* Lift more. Talk less.
* If you're a fat guy who can bench a lot because the bar only has to travel two inches down to your tittie-pecs, then don't brag about your bench press max.
* If you can do a lot of pull-ups because you weigh 115 pounds, then we don't want to hear about that either.
* It's a squat rack, not a curling cage.
* Lifting gloves: Because pansies like soft hands.
* Dave Tate has been known to smash his forehead into the bar before a big squat. You have been known to match your lifting straps to your workout pants. Notice any other differences?
* Don't take diet advice from fat guys.
* Listen to those in the trenches. They don't have to be super huge or super perfect or super strong, but they must be doing it and applying it to themselves and others on a daily basis. Beware the eunuch in the harem.
* Asking most heavy steroid users how to train and eat is like asking a crackhead for investment advice. They may offer some, but don't listen to it.
* Asking a genetic mutant lifter or gifted natural athlete how to train and eat is like asking a racehorse how he runs fast. He couldn't tell you even if he knew.
* Recovery: You're probably not paying enough attention to it.
* If you added 90 pounds to the squat bar but squatted three inches higher than before, you did not get any stronger. Moron.
* The best ab training exercise involves pushing yourself away from the dinner table.